What the hell is wrong with me?

OK--we have a problem Houston--and it is otherwise known as my reproductive system. Nothing is taking...had positive thoughts all this month...thought just maybe...maybe...but, no. Almost broke down in the bathroom at work here, but quickly put it back together--this place is so unfriendly at times--you don't need to hear a crying PM in the stall in the ladies room. So, decided to spill it in the blog instead. I have made an appointment (sort of, on the waiting list) to see my OB/GYN, and with this issue the nurse has to call me back and give me some instructions before seeing the doctor. God knows what that is...take your temperature, pee on a stick until you see a second line...and all the other things that I have been doing for the past year. Sure, waiting until I was ready shouldn't have been a big thing...I am only 34! Other thoughts, I am truly trying to stay positive with everything...but why can't this happen? And oh by the way, is it normal to be a complete jealous freak when you hear about a friend expecting, or almost in tears when you see a baby or pregnant woman...then a few minutes later think it's totally unfair to feel the way you do towards friends and that I seriously need some mental help...AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF-one of my little pleasures in life, reading CK while curled up in bed, has lost all appeal, because I will just see another cute layout of an adorable baby staring back at me...